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Ugly Wife
by Tom Remington
Herman Snodgrass who lived in Madrid, Maine
got married one day. Herman was getting on in years and many thought he
would never marry but he surprised everybody one day when he came home with
a new bride.
The town folks were very gracious and
courteous congratulating Herman in succeeding at finding himself a wife, but
behind his back they were all talking about them. The discussions mostly
surrounded the fact that his new bride seemed nice but she wasn't very good
looking. They also was aware that Herman never went anywhere without his
wife - even when he went to work. He would leave his wife out in the car all
day long while he was at work.
Many passed it off as just two people being in
love and that they couldn't be away from each other for very long but after
10 years of marriage nothing had changed. Herman still never went anywhere
without his wife.
One day Bill Benson who owns the hardware
store in town see Herman come into his store alone. Bill walked over to
Herman and asked him where his wife was - surprised that she wasn't with him
in the store. Herman told Bill she was waiting for him in the car.
This was Bill's chance so he asked Herman why
he never went anywhere without his wife. He said, "Don't you miss having
some time to yourself, boy? Don't you miss a night out with the fellas,
boy?"
"Oh, I sure do, Mr. Benson. I miss all that
stuff a lot!" replied Herman.
"Then why do you insist on taking her with you
everywhere you go?" asked Bill.
"Well, Geez, Mr. Benson," said Herman. "She so
danged ugly looking, I'd rather take her with me than kiss her goodbye!"
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