|
Shouda Brought the Wife
by Tom Remington
Archer Sidelinger was a dirt farmer from up in
the northern part of Maine - up around the Patten area. He'd never been much
farther south than Millinocket nor any further north than Ashland. Once, he
got brave and traveled internationally. He went over to Houlton with his
farming buddy, Eben Faulkenham and before Archer knew what was going on,
Eben had whisked him across the Canadian border and turned around a come
back. Archer was quite concerned that having traveled so far, he might not
get back to milk the cows - you know there is a time difference there of 1
hour that really threw Archer for a loop.
Eben was a modern farmer you see and he spent
most of his time trying to convince Archer that he needed to update his farm
equipment and particular his milking machines and feeding stations. Eben's
was all computerized and claimed it saved him thousands of dollars each year
and his herd produced much more milk.
Of course Archer was quite skeptical about the
whole thing but one day Eben convinced Archer to travel with him down to
Bangor to attend a convention all about new farming equipment.
They checked in at the Four Points Sheraton in
Bangor and while Eben was getting them registered Archer wandered over to to
the far end of the lobby and observed in absolute awe as the walls on one
side of the lobby split in two and people walked into a small room. Then the
walls came back together again.
Archer watched this for some time wondering
just where these people went. Sometimes the walls would open up again but
the people that went in were gone. Soon a hunched over old woman walked up
to the wall and pressed a round button. The wall divided one more time and
she went in. Archer moved closer to get a better look. Within moments, the
walls opened up again and out stepped a very young, attractive and well
endowed blonde woman.
Just then Eben appeared and asked Archer what
he was doing. Archer stood with his mouth mostly agape and somewhat drooling
and mumbled to Eben, "I shoulda brought the wife."
|
