Florena and Virgil

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Home Sweet Home Part I

Virgil and Florena live at the very end of the Sawyer Brook road northwest of the town of Andover proper in C Surplus. You can't drive all the way there because the road ends a good 200 yards before you get to their house. They don't own a car you see, they own a pick-up truck. If you examine it very closely you can tell it's a 1954 Ford. There's not much left for floor boards and what remains of the body is made of wood. Virgil calls it his "cut-down". It runs like a dream and rolls over the dirt roads just fine on four odd sized tires. It's more of a challenge once he hits the paved roads. It ain't licensed or inspected but they drive it anyways once a month or so when they venture into Andover for supplies.

Virgil is not a big man - about 5' 9"and wiry. He has thick curly hair and wears glasses. He is not a man of many words. Florena on the other hand is a big woman - much bigger than Virgil and has been known to "throw" her weight around from time to time. Rumor has it that she almost never shuts up. Talks incessantly.

Should anyone have a mind to venture out to the Cole farm, you would have to park your vehicle and walk in the some 200 yards to their house - well at least to the edge of the small field that surrounds their house. On the walk in you have to cross a bridge over a small stream that Virgil built a few years back. Before that you had to jump across it or get your feet wet. From there it is a good trail that winds in and out and up and down. As Virgil was once heard saying, "It's a son-of-a-bitch in winter. Worse in the spring."

.......to be continued

Home Sweet Home Part II

9/17/04 - Virgil and Florena's home is a cluster of small buildings and it is difficult to tell which ones the animals live in and which ones they live in. In actuality the outhouse is the nicest looking building of them all. The animals pretty much run free and come and go from the house that Virgil and Florena live in. Probably the chickens keep the floor cleaner than Florena does.

What may not strike you at first when you arrive at the property is the two old school buses parked out back. What's typical of many school buses you find in Maine is these are filled to overflowing with junk. I would assume many of the parts that Virgil needs to keep his pick-up truck running comes from within the confines of one or both school buses. What I was getting at is how in the world did they get the school buses in there? There isn't any road and I certainly couldn't see any remnants of a road - a puzzlement to me!

On one side of the house and I use that term loosely, Florena keeps a flower garden and I use that term loosely as well. Mostly it is overgrown with weeds with an occasional perennial poking its' head up through the undergrowth. What remains of an old picket fence surrounds three sides of the garden - the house on the fourth. There are two distinct features to Florena's garden - the bright blue gazing ball and the half of a butterfly still cleaning to one side of the house. Evidently one of the wings of that giant butterfly fell off and what remains clings for dear life to the unpainted, half sided wall of the house.

.....to be continued

Rockpile

9/24/04 - Do you ever wonder what really goes through the mind of someone like a Virgil? Many times we ask ourselves why certain people choose to live the way they do and often times we reason that they may not have any options - although cleanliness doesn't seem to be one of economic prohibition. But there are some things that totally defy what I would call sound reasoning. Let me explain.

My wife always tells me that weird stuff happens only to me. What she means by that is I am always telling her stories of weird, laughable, bizarre and sometimes outrageous events that I become witness to. She says stuff like that doesn't happen to her and I tell her it happens to everyone it's that not everyone pays attention. Perhaps you have seen this in other places or maybe not. As you walk into the Cole compound, there are numerous fixtures to observe. Most go unnoticed to the average person and I would encourage any of you to pay closer attention when you are out and about. The rewards are priceless.

People are creatures of habit and Virgil and Florena are no exception. In their everyday chores of moving about the property to the barn, the shed, the outhouse, the garden, no matter where they went they followed the same path and therefore there are numerous travel paths worn right down to the dirt. Off the beaten path, the grass has been left to grow unattended. A path from the front door of the house to the tractor shed and a path from the front door to the wood shed, makes a nice triangle shape. In the middle of this triangle which is actually nearly the center of the "yard" area, is a pile of rocks. This pile of rocks is about the size of a pick-up truck and no rock in that pile is larger than a grapefruit nor smaller than a golf ball. It is added to nearly everyday, except in the winter. Virgil has a 5 gallon bucket wired to the underside of his tractor seat and whenever he is out doing his chores if he comes across a rock, he puts it in his bucket and adds it to the pile when he returns to the shed. I guess you never know.

To be continued..........

The Dog Named Billy Part I

October 1, 2004 - Dogs!! Holy crap, Virgil and Florena have dogs! I think that dogs are way over rated. What good are they really. Some say dogs are man's best friend. I say who the hell are you that you have to have a dog or 6 to have a best friend.

It is really quite difficult to count all the dogs around the farm because you can't get them to stay still for a long enough period of time to count them all. I asked Virgil one day how many dogs he had and his answer was one I should have expected. He looked me straight in the eyes for a long time and then shrugged his shoulders. Florence has her favorite dog, Lucy. Lucy is a mutt. We always called them a "Heinz 57". Lucy does what dogs do best - lay around the house all day and all night doing nothing except getting underfoot and stinking up the house which doesn't need any help from dogs. She lays behind the kitchen stove a good part of the time coming out two or three times a day to give a good stretch, look around a bit, lick her butt and then retreats to the back of the stove for another nap. What a life!

You can't really tell which dogs come from which litters and as Florence told me one day, "Sometimes when I get up in the morning, there's a dog I ain't never seen before." They have one dog that is only seen maybe once a week. He comes running in from the woods one day just a barking his fool head off. He runs through the barn yard constantly yapping and never stops. He just keeps on running and barking and heads in the other direction.

But of all the dogs, Virgil recalls a dog he says was smarter than most folks he knows. The dogs name was Billy. He was a mix of some Blue Tick and yellow Lab. "Strange lookin cuss," Virgil said. "He had the head of a yella Lab, the body of a Blue Tick hound and feet that I ain't sure where they come from. Not even sure they's from a dog." But, Virgil said that dog was some smart. Well, I asked him what become of Billy and Virgil just shook his head, "Sad, real sad. Billy was smarter than that SOB I gived him to."

It took me several weeks of trips to the Cole farm before I could get the story out of Virgil about the dog Billy and what happened to him and as near as I can recollect this is what happened:

Billy went everywhere with Virgil. There wasn't a day went by that you couldn't see Virgil and Billy together. One day while Virgil was planting corn over in the corner of the field, he got off his tractor for a minute to look at something. When he did, the tractor rolled forward and pinned Virgil under one of the big wheels. Billy was some upset and Virgil told him to go to the house and get Florence. Billy took off and hadn't gone 30 feet and immediately he hung a sharp right and went into the woods headed toward town. Well, Virgil was some upset to think that Billy had let him down. He couldn't understand why Billy did what he did.

Within just a few minutes Billy immerged from the woods and right behind him was another man. The man rolled the tractor off Virgil and helped him to his feet. Virgil was a bit sore but no serious damage was done and he wanted to repay the stranger for his kind deed but the stranger insisted that he was just happy to be able to help someone in need.

It was nearly lunch time, so Virgil invited the man to the house for lunch and he accepted. Over cold baked bean sandwiches, Virgil kept insisting that he had to repay the man somehow but the stranger's attention was mostly directed at Billy. "You know", said the stranger. "That's some smart dog you got there!" "Sure is", said Virgil. "But he sure is an odd looking thing", retorted the stranger. "Ayuh", said Virgil. "Odd lookin' maybe but Billy knows how to count."

To be continued..........

A Dog Named Billy Part II

October 4, 2004.......... "How to count?" replied the stranger. "I'd like to see that!" Well, Virgil told the man that as soon as he had another one of them cold baked bean sandwiches he'd take him out and show him.

The two men finished their lunch and headed outside. As they rounded the corner of the house, this strange man noticed a hound dog over the other side of the barn staring at a big old oak tree. Pretty soon the dog ran directly at the tree and smacked it straight on with his head. The man couldn't believe it and began to wonder. Before they could get over to the barn door, the dog done it again. This time the stranger asked Virgil why the dog was doing that. Virgil said, "Well, he's a young dog and I reckon he ain't figured out yet how to go around it."

You may be wondering why I haven't disclosed the identity of this stranger yet and it's simple actually. See, this man was from Massachusetts and sometimes Mainers can be a bit harsh on people from there. But if you really must know, his name is John and he lives in Shattuckville in western Massachusetts. It seems also that John lives to duck hunt. He says there ain't nothing quite like it on earth and he loves to spend every moment he can duck hunting. He travels to Andover occasionally to visit relatives. Seems he is a distant cousin to the Hutchins that live in town.

Well, John was really beginning to doubt very seriously whether old Billy was all that smart. The way he figured it any dog wouldn't have to be too smart to impress Virgil, if you know what I mean and having looked around a bit at some of the other dogs, he had serious doubts. As John continued to scratch his head at the dog that kept running into the oak tree, Bruno, the running dog came barking and howling and running through the barnyard again. Again, he didn't stop running nor stop barking. He just kept on a going off in the other direction and out of site. John was beginning to wonder where in the world he had landed.

Virgil disappeared into the barn leaving John standing in amazement outside in the yard. Shortly, Virgil immerged with Billy in tow. "Where did you go?", asked John. "Get Billy. He was counting eggs." replied Virgil very matter-of-factly. "You mean to tell me that you think this dog can count?' quizzed John. "Well, there ain't no one else around here," said Virgil. "Come on. I'll show you."

Both men and the dog headed out to the corner of the barn and stopped there. Virgil looked at Billy and said, "Go on down to the pond and see if there are any ducks." With that Billy took off a running. Within 5 minutes Billy returned, stopped directly in front of Virgil and sat down. There was silence for a couple of minutes and John blurts out, "He ain't doing nothin! I thought you said he was smart and could count?" "Well, now, don't your balls in an uproar! Billy has manners you know and he knows when to not bark out of turn." said Virgil.

Virgil looked back down at Billy and asked, "How many ducks today, Billy?" With that Billy stood up and barked 6 times. "They's six ducks over yonder in the pond," Virgil told John. "I don't believe it!" said John emphatically. So the two men and Billy took a walk down to the pond. When they got there, John immediately began to count ducks and sure enough, there was 6 ducks swimming about in the water. "I don't think you believe old Billy," said Virgil. "Well, that's okay. I wouldn't expect much more from a flatlander anyways!" "Billy," said Virgil. "Run on over to Percival's pond and see if they got any ducks." Billy disappeared.

To be continued......

A Dog Named Billy Part III

October 5, 2004.......John waited anxiously yet hesitant. He just couldn't bring himself to believe what he was seeing yet deep inside he was conniving. After quite a spell, Billy returned and the same routine as before unfolded before John's eyes. Billy waited patiently for Virgil to give him the go ahead and when he did, Billy stood and barked 12 times. "Your gonna tell me there's 12 ducks over in Percival's pond?" questioned John. "Go see for yourself," replied Virgil. So John, Virgil and Billy headed out for Percival's pond.

When they arrived, John just froze in his tracks totally amazed. There were in fact, 12 ducks swimming lazily about the pond. John began doing some serious thinking trying to figure out he was going to get that dog away from Billy. He figured with a dog that smart he could make some real serious money. Then John had an idea. He remembered pushing that tractor off Virgil and him wanting to somehow repay him for his help. He would wait for the perfect opportunity to get that dog.

Totally amazed at the intelligence of this dog, he kept telling Virgil over and over as they walked back to the farm, what a great dog he had and he sure would like a dog like that. Virgil didn't catch on to what John was up to. When they got back to the farm, John said he had to be on his way and brought up the subject again of saving his life. That's when Virgil asked John one more time if there was something he could do to repay him. John seized the moment and boldly told Virgil he would like his dog, Billy.

Virgil fell silent for quite some time and then he said to John, "I reckon I asked and I reckon you told me, so I reckon he's yours. But, I'm a bit afraid about this cause I don't think you know Billy like I know Billy. You got to be patient with him and pay close attention to what he is trying to say to ya!"

With that said, John headed on down the path to find his car with Billy close behind. He loaded him in his car and headed south for Shattuckville where Billy would find a new home. Virgil was sure gonna miss that old dog and that he did. For weeks Virgil just kind of moped around the farm constantly looking over his shoulder to see if Billy was there. He wasn't.

Summer passed and duck hunting season began in western Massachusetts. You see John was an "influential" kind of a man. He had a lot of money and he hob-knobbed with wealthy people and as I said before, duck hunting was John's favorite pastime. He would invite many of his "clients" to his multi-thousand acre spread just outside Shattuckville to impress them with his ranch, his duck hunting ponds and now his new trophy, Billy.

Virgil might a been missing old Billy but I don't think Billy was missing him too much. Old Billy was eating like a king and was treated like royalty all the time. He was always getting a bath and brushed out. He didn't like that at first but he come to enjoy all the attention after a while. John kept Billy well exercised both physically and mentally. He knew if something happened and Billy could no longer count, his income from that dog would dry up.

Billy was the accurate mathematician as John was almost constantly entertaining guests and showing off Billy's abilities to count until one day late in the fall. As a matter of fact it was the last week of duck season. The Vice President of the United States came to John's spread to do some duck hunting and meet Billy. He had heard so much about him he had to see this dog for himself.

They got geared up and ready to go and Billy was as anxious as the two men to begin the day of hunting. Right away John says to Billy, "Run on up ahead and see how many ducks are in the pond." Billy took off on a dead run as the VP watched curiously and John smiling all the while. Within five minutes Billy returned and sat quietly in front of John as he always did with Virgil. "OK boy! How many ducks?" asked John. Billy barked 3 times. John looked over at the VP and said, "Billy says there are 3 ducks up ahead. Let's go see." The three headed out across the field to the first pond and sure enough there were 3 ducks sitting in the water. Well, the VP was some impressed but not convinced so John sent Billy on to pond number 2. Soon he returned barking out numbers. This continued all day until the VP was convinced that Billy really could count.

The afternoon grew late and the two men decided they had had just about enough. The VP says, "I would like to see Billy here, count ducks one more time before I have to go." John sent Billy off to John's own private pond that he shared with almost nobody. Billy was gone a long time - long enough that John was becoming concerned. He waited and waited trying not to let on to the VP that he was worried. At about the time that John was going to go looking for Billy, he heard a barking coming from the woods. That concerned John even more because the only time Billy barked was when he was giving his count. John knew something was wrong!

Billy immerged from the forest barking like a fool, running in circles and every once in a while he would jump straight up in the air about 3 or 4 feet. Billy also carried a 3 foot long stick in his mouth. He would bark like crazy, pick up the stick and run around with it all over the place. Mr. VP said, "Geez, John. Is he alright?" "I really don't think so. I've never seen him act like this before. I think he's plum gone crazy!", replied John. Right then Billy picked up the stick and headed straight for the Vice President of the United States and commenced to beat him with that stick. John didn't know what else to do, so he shot and killed old Billy.

Several summers came and went and it wasn't until about 6 years later that John could bring himself to return to Andover and take that ride up the Sawyer Brook Road to where Virgil and Florena lived. As John walked down the path toward the farm he could hear the same noises that he had heard 6 years before when he first met Billy and Virgil - he even saw Bruno the running dog go flying by him on the way into the farm.

John found Virgil as he was tossing two more rocks onto his rock pile out in front of his house and they greeted each other. As usual it was very difficult for John to get Virgil to talk so the moment was a bit difficult. John didn't know how he was going to tell Virgil about Billy but right then Virgil blurts out, "Did ya bring the dog?" "Ah, no I didn't," said John. "He's ok ain't he?", asked Virgil. "Well, that's what I came to tell you," John said mournfully. "You're gonna have to tell me over lunch. Time to eat," said Virgil and both men went inside for a round of cold baked bean sandwiches.

While they ate, John told Virgil the whole story from beginning to end. As John labored through the details, Virgil sat quietly just shaking his head. John told him how smart Billy had been and never made a mistake either. He told Virgil about sending Billy up to his own special pond and how he came back acting crazy and barking like a fool and beating the Vice President with a stick. When John finished, Virgil just stared at John for a moment and said, "I know'd I shouldn't a let you take Billy. I knowd ya wouldn't understand him." "I'm sorry!" replied John. "The dog just went crazy and I had to put him out of his misery!" "That old dog didn't go crazy!" yelled Virgil. "He was trying to tell you something real important! He was trying to tell ya that there was more ducks up ahead in that pond than you could shake a stick at!"

The Order of Succession

Virgil and Florena are, or course, native Mainers and can teach us all a thing or two about how to act like one. Take for example sequential events of the everyday.

I'm sure as you have traveled around the state of Maine as I have, you have noticed that while driving by home after home, there are some things that never seem to ever change or get finished. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about.

For the past 38 years I have driven by the Murphy farm on the Pleasant River Road and for 38 years their house has needed painting. For 38 years my wife and I have looked at other as we pass and say, "Bill needs to get his house painted before it falls down around him."

It is no different than with Virgil and Florena. Being a farmer and all, we know how much work they do on a daily basis and it starts early in the morning and last well into the evening. But, farmers do have some down time and that is when they get to do all the things they enjoy - like painting the house.

Virgil's house needs painting desperately but the reason it hasn't been done isn't because of lack of trying. The effort is always there but the outcome is usually lacking. It is one of the most challenging of things to do in preparing for the painting. Here's what happened just last week.

The morning broke clear and dry and the sun made its way up and over the tree tops that line the eastern pasture. Virgil was already busy milking his cows and tending to all his farm creatures. His morning chores usually were finished up by about 10 am and this day was no exception.

Virgil loves to fish and when he awoke this morning he knew that it was going to be one of those quiet days on the farm and when he completed his morning chores, he was going fishing down at his favorite deep hole on Sawyer Brook.

Once he had finished he went into the house to have some breakfast and quietly slip out the back and head down to the stream. As was the routine, as soon as Virgil walked into the kitchen, Florena put a plate of food on the table for him but before he got the first bite in his mouth, Florena informed him that seeing as it was going to be a quiet day on the farm he better get the house painted.

Try as he may, he just couldn't come up with enough excuses to get out of painting and it looked as though today Virgil was going to spend a good part of his fishing time painting the house.

He thought for a moment and then told Florena that he was first going to have to go over to John Percival's and get his ladder back that he had borrowed some time ago and he would have to go by Dave's store and pick up some paint. Florena informed him he better hurry and also said, "On your way out take some supplies with you and fix the broken fence out at the end of the western pasture. It's been broken since last winter." "Okay," said Virgil. "I'll have to get it on my way back because I don't have any staples to fix the wire and I'll have to go over to the Paris Farmer's Union in Roxbury to get them because Dave's all out."

With that said, Virgil headed out the front door but before he could make it all the way out, Florena stopped him and handed him a loaf of home made bread. "What's this for?" asked Virgil. "I told Mary that the next time either of us went into town for anything I would bring her some of my bread. If she hears that you were in town and didn't stop by, she'll be mad."

So, as Virgil went out the house, his mind was buzzing. "First I got to stop by Mary's with the bread and then on to Dave's. No I better stop at Mary's after I go to Dave's but I should get over the the Farmer's Union to make sure they got staples. Sometimes, John goes fishing about this time of day and if he ain't home I won't be able to get my ladder. Oh, darn, I better take Fred's pipe wrench back too. I promised him I'd get it back to him right away."

Virgil's brain was working overtime trying to remember the order in which everything needed to be done. He went to the shed to find Fred's pipe wrench and while scouring over the work bench he stumbled across an old bungee chord and remembered the passenger side door on his truck didn't stay closed by itself and that he had better bungee it shut.

He found the wrench, grabbed the bungee chord and headed out the door. As he neared the main path that leads out to where the truck is parked, Bruno the barking dog went running by Virgil nearly knocking him down to the ground.

When Virgil got about half way out to the truck, he remembered he would need a hammer to fix the fence with. He put down the pipe wrench and bungee chord and headed back toward the shed. It was a good thing he went back for the hammer because when he opened the shed door, there sat the loaf of bread he was supposed to take to Mary. Oscar, the cat, had a pretty good sized hole chewed in one end of it. So, Virgil took out his jack knife and cut that end off and re-wrapped the remainder of the loaf. With hammer in one hand, he tucked the loaf of bread under his arm and headed back down the trail, chewing on the piece of bread he had cut off the loaf.

On his way back out to the truck, he couldn't remember where he had left the pipe wrench and bungee chord. He searched for quite some time before he finally found it and now with arms full, he approached the truck at the end of the trail.

He tossed everything into the back of the truck and walked around to the passenger side to bungee the door shut and noticed the rear tire on that side was flat. He dug around under the pile of junk collected in the back of the truck and actually found a jack and a wheel wrench. He jacked up the truck and got the tire off, only to discover the spare tire was flat as well.

Frustrated, to say the least, Virgil headed back to the shed to get a tire pump. On the way in, he began to think about how he could be relaxing down by the deep hole on Sawyer Brook catching some fish and smoking his pipe. Instead, he had to paint the house.

He got back to the shed and searched high and low for the tire pump. When he found it that's when he remembered that the last time he used the pump the hose had broken off so before Virgil could use the pump on the truck tire, he would have to mend the hose. He couldn't find a new piece of pressure hose anywhere so he just cut off the broken end and clamped it back onto the base of the pump.

Time was slipping away quickly and Virgil walked back out to the truck. He hooked up the pump and began quickly stroking the handle up and down filling the tire as quickly as he could. He knew it would take a long time as the tire was big.

Once he got enough air into the tire, he let the truck back down off the jack, tossed everything into the back and jumped in the front seat. Virgil searched frantically for the keys to the truck ignition but couldn't find them. "I always leave them in the ashtray," he said aloud. Virgil looked everywhere for the keys and couldn't find them. He thought and thought and then he remembered that he had decided to empty his ashtray after the last time he was out with the truck. He got out and pawed around the ground looking for where he had dumped the ashtray and finally found the keys.

Virgil tried unsuccessfully for ten minutes to start the truck but it just wouldn't fire. He got out and popped the hood and began wiggling this and shaking that, hoping to find something obvious. He didn't but he was also getting very hungry. So, Virgil sat back in the truck and began eating the loaf of bread intended for Mary. "It was good," he thought. "I wish I had some butter for it though."

He returned to a position under the hood trying unsuccessfully for several more minutes to get the truck started. He finally discovered a loose wire coming off the coil and the truck started right up. As he began to turn the truck around to head for town, he glanced at his watch and realized that time had slipped by so fast that in about 10 minutes he needed to start his afternoon chores.

He parked the truck and headed back down the trail for home eating what was left of the bread intended for Mary. Once back at the farm he began his chores thinking about what the house might look like painted and dreaming once again about maybe getting in some fishing tomorrow.

So you see, as you travel about Maine seeing home after home that needs painting or the lawn needs mowing or the junked cars need to be moved out behind the house, remember that probably these folks tried just like Virgil tried but the order of succession to get to the point of actually getting something done is sometimes too overwhelming.

Virgil Meets Otis!

Otis is most affectionately called the "Mayor of Andover". I should explain you see that Andover isn't a large enough town to have a mayor or even a manager. What Andover has are three selectmen - one of them being the First Selectman and they are the highest ranking official in the town of Andover - the second being the town drunk, Gabby.

Otis' title is what is called honorary, although it might be more fitting to call him ornery. Otis is one of them fellas that, depending upon your own level of intelligence, you would view as dumb. Some view him as being smart and that can only lead one to question another's ability to think rationally - although some renowned men of the world of education have studied Otis quite a bit and it is really divided 50/50 whether they think he is of superior intelligence or number than a pounded thumb - it's scary to think there isn't much difference.

A professor of psychology from the University of New York came to Andover a while back to study Otis. Professor Quirk was his name - really - and he had applied for and received a grant from the Institution of Orangutan Studies located in Orville, Texas - just south of Crawdad.

Several weeks into his study, he was amazed at how lacking in intelligence he thought Otis was. Everyday, Professor Quirk would conduct an "intelligence" test with Otis and everyday the Professor noted in his journal that Otis was incapable of learning - grasping basic concepts of size or amounts.

The "intelligence" test went like this: Everyday when Otis would arrive at the Professors office, Mr. Quirk would present him with two coins - a dime and a nickel and tell Otis to take one. Everyday Otis took the nickel and left the dime. He did this for several months.

Before long, word had gotten out into the community that Otis wasn't smart enough to take the dime because it was worth more money. Finally one day, Otis met up with Gabby, remember he's the town drunk. The two were sitting out behind the Town Hall enjoying a little snifter of whiskey and some of Gabby's chaw when Gabby asked Otis if he knew the difference between a dime and a nickel. "Well, of course I do." answered Otis. "Then why don't you take the dime instead of the nickel?" quizzed Gabby.

"What? Are you serious?" asked Otis. "If I take the dime, he'll stop offering me the coins."

Otis didn't work. He didn't have to. Somehow, the locals would always take care of him and that's just the way he liked it. He always had a "story" to tell. Most would just call them lies but to Otis every one of his stories was a real as Virgil's dog Billy.

How Virgil met Otis goes back a long time ago now. Virgil had ventured into town one day with his pick-up truck to get some supplies to fix the fence in the western pasture. It was Virgil first time into town and he wasn't quite sure which way to go. You see, when you get to the center of town there's a four-way stop.

When Virgil came to the four-way stop, he had three choices - well, four if you count turning around and going back home. He could go right which would take him up toward the East B Hill area, go left out toward East Andover or go straight and head south toward Bethel.

Virgil was confused and didn't know which way to go. He saw Otis, whom he didn't know at the time, standing at the town Gazebo and bandstand looking real important. Virgil pulled up near the side of the road and began to ask Otis for some directions.

"Could you tell me how to get to the Farmer's Union?" asked Virgil. Otis turned slowly and looked right at Virgil and said, "Ayuh!" The two men kind of looked at each other gazingly for a minute until Virgil says, "Would you mind telling me how to get to the Farmer's Union?"

"Well, now, don't git yourself all worked up. I'm gonna tell ya how ta git theya," said Otis. "You act like you was in some kinda herry of sometin!" "No," replied Virgil. "I just wanted to know how to get to the Farmer's Union.

Otis liked to chew tobacco quite a bit and he would anytime he could get some off someone so he wouldn't have to buy it himself. At this moment in Andover history, Otis was chewing hard on a big wad in his mouth and as the brown juice oozed down the left corner of his mouth, Otis wiped it clean with the right sleeve of his flannel shirt - made you wonder what color that shirt really was. He sported several days growth of beard on his weathered face and as he prepared to speak, both thumbs found their way to the underside of the straps of his suspenders.

Otis pushed his hat back onto the rear part of his head and commenced to give Virgil directions to the Farmer's Union. "Go right on down the road there until you get to the Poor Farm on the right hand side of the road. No one calls it the Poor farm anymore. Ain't been no Poors living there for years. In actuality there never were any Poors that lived there but we always used to call it the Poor Farm cause old man Spinney once thought that Archer Poor lived there. But he didn't and you know, once people get things in their heads around here it's hard to get them to change their mind.

When you get to the Poor Farm, keep right on going straight until you come to a house on your right that's green colored. Now wait a minute. I think it's still green. Old man Merrill was going to paint his house yellow, I think. So when you get there it might be yellow or it might be green.

Go down the road some from there and you're going to turn right - no, make that left. That green or yellow house is on the left and so you're going to turn left. Now, don't get confused on which right to take. It's the right, right where the old Baptist church used be. They say it burned down in 1877 - tragic.

After you turn left you'll see the Hutchins house. If you stop there and go inside and see the widow Hutchins, she could show you that old grandfather clock what sits in the front parlor of the house. It's been there so long now that every afternoon when the sun shines in the front window it reflects off the pendulum of that clock and it's worn a hole right through the wall where it's been shining for so many years.

But the widow Hutchins won't be there anyways, she's visiting her sister in Upton this week. But you keep on going and sooner or later you'll come to a one lane bridge over Clements Brook. On the other side of the brook there's a place there where you'll see where people have turned their cars around. That's what you'll want to do - turn around. I ain't never been out there to the Farmer's Union what I miss the dang thing and have to turn around there and go back. Coming back to it, you can't miss it."

Two Peas in a Pod

That's pretty much what Otis and Gabby are considered. Combined they either have the IQ of a Massachusetts politician or they could become brain surgeons. No one ever has been able to figure the two of them out.

Otis had given Virgil directions and sent him on his way. Virgil really didn't know what to make of Otis and was quite hesitant to heed anything the man had said but he didn't have too many options. What Virgil didn't know was Otis was a big practical joker and sometimes he would team up with Gabby. Between the two of them they have pulled some good ones.

They particularly liked to pick on tourists or passers-by and giving complicated or incorrect directions was nothing more than a pastime for either of those two. But their specialty was "welcoming" any newcomers to the town of Andover.

Andover is a small town - small even compared to Bethel, which is small compared to Rumford, which is small - well, never mind. It is pretty easy to know when a tourist stops in town looking for gas, food or directions and when someone new moves to town. It takes all of about one afternoon for everyone to be right in a buzz repeating anything and everything they might have heard about a newcomer.

It reminds me well of a song I used to hear on Saturday nights while watching episodes of "Hee-Haw" on television. One of my favorites was when they sang the "Gossipin' Kind" song. It went something like this and please, I might get some of the words wrong but you'll get the idea:

Well, we're not ones who go round spreading rumors

Really, we're just not the gossiping kind

You'll never hear one of us repeating gossip

So you better come and listen close the first time

Needless to say, gossip and rumors traveled at light speed in Andover.

One day, the Fitzgeralds moved to town. A nice family they were and they had a son who had just graduated from Maine Maritime Academy. His name was Francis. They moved in up on the East B Hill Road in the old Curtis Farm. Fred Fitzgerald, the father of Francis, was a retired doctor from Portland and his wife Freda was a not so retired housewife. They had two younger children still in high school - another son and daughter named Fernand and Felicity.

Otis and Gabby were sitting out front of Mill's Market one day talking about all the latest happenings in town and the topic of the newcomers came up. The more they shared the rumors and the gossip the more Otis' pea sized brain began to work overtime. Otis had heard that Francis had one dream in life and that was to take his education he had gotten at Maine Maritime Academy and serve aboard the British cruise ship the Queen Elizabeth II.

Otis had a plan!

To be continued.......

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